From The Top
by Judaphine
Summary: Ranma and his father fall in the springs and get cursed, but things turn out a bit differently... OOC, NOT an RxA pairing.
1. From the Top

AN: Sorry for the long absence. I got cut off from the net for a while. I'm just giving this a trial run to see if I _should _continue it. As I said of previous stories, I'm not sure I'll be writing much, but at least I'm back online.

From the Top

Hidden in the Bayankara Range, in the Mt Quaichin Region, in the Qinghai Province of China, lie the springs of Jusenkyo. This vast region, with its many pools, is rarely ever visited, even by the locals that live nearby. Yet on this day, two seasoned travellers, new to the area, had just arrived, led by a local guide. They would soon learn just why people avoided the place.

They had just come to a collection of pools when the Guide turned and spoke. "Here, sirs, we have forbidden training ground," he said, "Accursed Springs, Jusenkyo."

"This place ain't as bad as I thought," said the younger traveller.

"You two very strange customers, no?" said the Guide. "No one use training ground now. Over one hundred spring here and each have own tragedy happen there."

"Quit gawking, boy!" said the elder of the two travellers. "Follow me!" Having said that, the fat, bald traveller dressed in a dirty, white gi hopped up to one of the bamboo poles sticking out of the many pools with surprising agility for a man of his girth.

"Sir, come down from there!" yelled the Guide. "I no finish tragic story!"

"Maybe we should listen to him, pop!" said the young traveller.

"Have you become such a weak girl that you would put off training, boy?! You've grown soft!"

"That's it! Yer goin down, old man!" With that, the fit, young traveller with the ponytail, wearing the cleaner white gi, jumped up to join the older traveller on another pole.

"Please, come down, sirs!" the Guide yelled frantically. "It very bad you fall in spring!"

"I won't go easy on you, boy," said the older traveller.

"That's just how I like it," was the reply. And then came the end of their lives as they knew them, for, as they began to spar, the pony-tailed traveller knocked the fat one into a spring. "We done, oyaji?" called the pony-tailed traveller when his father didn't resurface. Suddenly, the waters of the spring began to surge as a form erupted from it. Only, instead of it being a bald, fat man, the form that emerged was that of a fat, middle-aged woman. "What the hell…?!"

"He fall in 'Spring of Drowned Woman'," said the Guide. "There, very tragic tale of woman what drown two thousand three hundred year ago. Now, whatever fall in spring take body of woman."

"Why didn't you say so before?!" It was a shame the boy turned away to ask that question, for the other traveller, still in battle mode and not paying the Guide any heed, took advantage of the opening to land a punch, knocking the boy into another spring.

"Too bad," said the Guide. "He fall in 'Spring of Drowned Girl'. Tragic story of girl what drown there one thousand five hundred year ago. Now, whatever fall in spring take body of young girl." The boy, who had surfaced just in time to hear that last part and noticed that things felt a bit… off, took stuck of all pertinent parts before opening his gi and looking down… "AHHHH!!!" only to find new, rather large, parts. "You see?" the Guide continued. "Now you young girl. It no is permanent though. Cold water turn you and other sir to womans, hot water turn you back."

'_Okay, okay,'_ thought the young traveller. _'I can handle this. After all, he said it ain't permanent.'_

"What are you talking about?" asked the older traveller, still not noticing the change.

"Sirs now have curse, yes?" said the Guide. "You now turn into woman while young sir turn into young girl. You very lucky though. At least you no turn into animal and curses right age."

Finally starting to catch on, especially after hearing his… er, _her_ own voice, the other traveller also takes stock of his new body… and instantly passes out.

* * *

Several hours later, we see our two very weary travellers trudging along on a dirt road led by their guide. "Very soon, sirs," said the Guide, "we come to village of Nyuchiehzu."

"Nyuchiehzu?" said the young traveller. "Is that some kinda food?" The two travellers had run out of rations long ago and hadn't eaten in days… at least, the young one hadn't.

"Is village of Amazon womans," said the Guide as they entered the village. "They live in valley long time. Can teach sirs about curse. No can cure though. Jusenkyo no have cure." There were sounds of cheering up ahead and, as they turned the corner, they were greeted by the sight of a huge crowd. "You in for real treat, sirs." They were in what seemed to be the village square. It was packed with people who had their attention focussed on a log that was suspended in the air by cables. On it were two people. "Today, womans have tournament."

The young traveller was looking at one of the contenders, a bulky, broad-faced, masculine-looking person. "That's a woman?" she asked.

"Other one more pretty, no?" said the Guide, pointing at the other contender, a busty, long-haired beauty. "Besides," he continued, "no is like you no see ugly woman before." Thus reminded of his father, the young traveller shut up. "Tournament only happen once a year. Winning is great honour." As the young traveller and the Guide were talking, the pretty girl won the match. Unfortunately, the other traveller had not been idle. Alerted by the munching sounds, now audible due to the dead silence of the crowd, the guide turned to look at the other traveller, who was seated at an overflowing banquet table. "What you eating there, sir?" He only had time to read the sign that said 'First Prize' when the bonbori came crashing down, followed by the girl that threw it.

She blasted them in Chinese, which was translated by the Guide, "'Who you? Why you eat my prize?' she say."

"Huh?" asked the elder of the two travellers while the younger just put her hand on her forehead and moaned.

The girl fired off more Chinese and the Guide translated, "'Today, I champion. Feast is prize,' she say."

"Baka oyaji!" yelled the younger traveller to the older, not realizing that the Guide was still translating. "Can't you ever think before ya act, you moron?! You coulda asked first!"

"Quiet, boy!" the older traveller yelled. "Have I taught you nothing?! 'Eat whenever you can, for you never know when you may get another chance'!"

"That's just an excuse for you ta stuff yer greedy face!"

As they were having their little shouting match, a gnome-like little creature on a stick, who had heard everything, hopped up to them. "There is a way to correct this," it said in a quiet and raspy, yet carrying voice.

The villagers and the two travellers turned to look at the creature. "AHH!! A mummy!" yelled the younger, earning her a bop on the head with the stick.

"Mind your manners, child," said the creature. I am Kho Lon, one of the elders of this village, and you're on thin ice as it is."

"S-sorry," the girl said contritely, rubbing the new bump on her head.

"As I was saying, this matter is easily rectified if the offender is willing to fight the champion. If you win, you will go free. If you lose, you will be punished like any other thief."

"Fine, I'll fight the girl," said the older traveller. "It's not like she'll win," he muttered under his breath, but still loud enough to be heard by the girl in question.

"Very well, but first, return to your natural form."

"Huh?" the traveller looked down. "Oh, right." She then took the kettle that was handed to her for the purpose and turned back into a fat, bald man.

The elder, guessing that the traveller's birth form would be none too attractive, was hoping that, considering the possible consequences, such a thing would make the champ approach this fight with caution. She was wrong. It was over in about a minute, the champ was down, and the villagers looking at her with pity in their eyes. Sadly, the law of the tribe states that any warrior defeated by an outsider male… must marry him. She stood, walked to her opponent… and kissed him. "Wo da airen," she said sadly.

"AIYAHH!!" the Guide yelled. "Sir now have Amazon wife!"

"WHAT!?!" yelled the two travellers. The Guide then explained the outsider laws to them, including the one about having to kill the woman that defeats the warrior.

"Geez, pop," said the younger, "my stepmom's young enough ta be my sister."

"SHE IS NOT YOUR STEPMOTHER!!" the older shouted.

"According to our laws, she is, muko-dono," said Kho Lon. "Now, what are your names?"

"I'm Genma Saotome, and I'm telling you she is not my wife. I'm already married."

"But you said ofukuro was dead, pop," said the younger traveller.

"Having a mother around would only weaken you, boy. You'd have been constantly begging to go and be coddled by her, and she'd have spoiled you."

"Yeah, right. She probably left us."

"As doing so would nullify your claim, muko-dono, I'm inclined to believe your child." She turned to the girl. "What is your name?"

"Ranma."

"Well, Ranma, as my great-granddaughter's stepson, I would appreciate it if you would help her improve her Japanese."

"-But, great-grandmother,-" said the new bride in Chinese, "-the fat man said he had a wife. Doesn't that cancel the kiss of marriage?-" she asked hopefully.

Knowing that it did, yet wanting to teach the girl the proper humility, patience, and forbearance needed to be an elder (for that was the possible future of the village champions), the elder said, "That may be what he claims, Xian Pu, but his son claims no knowledge of this alleged wife. No, he is your husband. As such, you must learn to communicate with him and teach him our ways." She then hopped over to Ranma with another kettle and poured it over her, turning her into a handsome, young boy. "Welcome to the family, grandson," she said. The crowd gasped at this statement from the elder, for her words held greater import than either of the travellers would think.


	2. Here's Ranma

AN: Well, you asked for it and here it is. To the reviewer who didn't read the first chapter properly (not calling any names) please do so with this one before daring to write anything, okay? I may have to hurt your feelings.

To notBald: You asked a very interesting question. She knows potential when she sees it and you'll find out why later .

Usual disclaimers. Don't own anything. Yada, yada... ON WITH THE FIC!!!

* * *

Here's Ranma

In the peaceful city of Nerima, on a rainy afternoon, the locals were treated to the sight of a middle-aged woman fighting with her daughter. That wasn't too unusual in a town full of martial artists. What they called each other was a bit strange though.

"Get back here, boy!" yelled the middle-aged woman as she chased the retreating young redhead.

"No way, pop!" the busty redhead replied. "I ain't gettin married, and you can't make me!"

The fat woman got close enough to tag the redhead, causing her to slide forward about 10 feet. "It's for the honour of the schools, boy!" she called.

The redhead turned in a ready stance. "I still think the whole thing sucks!" A few blows were dodged before she caught one. "Picking my fiancée without even asking!" she said as she threw the fat woman.

"It was decided before you were born," said the fat woman as she landed on her back.

"Whatever," said the girl, picking up her discarded pack. "I'm gonna continue my training and I ain't gettin married 'til I'm good and ready. So suck on that, old man." She then turned and began to walk away, which was a mistake because the recovered fat woman pulled a sign post out of the ground and smacked her on the head with it, knocking her out.

"You will do as you're told!" said the fat woman to the unconscious redhead, picking up the girl and their packs, ignoring the shocked whispers of the crowd as she made her way down the road.

* * *

In a modest family home in Nerima, a man with shoulder-length, black hair and a moustache was sitting at a low table and reading a postcard with tears in his eyes. On the postcard was written a simple message:

Returning from China. Bringing the boy.

Genma

It wasn't exactly a tear-inspiring missive, yet it represented hope for the man who read it. He looked up and shouted, "Oy, Kasumi! Nabiki! Akane!" before leaping up and dashing to their regular haunts. First, to the kitchen, "Kasumi."

"Yes, father?" replied a ponytailed brunette standing at the counter in a dowdy housedress and apron.

"I have important news," said her father. "I need everyone in the family room." With that, he ran off to his next stop, an upstairs bedroom. "Nabiki," he said, opening the door.

"Yeah, daddy?" answered a girl in short shorts and a t-shirt with page-boy styled, brown hair. He gave her the same message as her sister and dashed off to another bedroom.

"Akane," he said and opened the door. There was no one there. "Does anybody know where Akane is?!" he called.

"I'll get her, daddy!" Nabiki replied from downstairs, heading for the most logical place to look.

Meanwhile, in that logical place, a girl with long, pitch black hair had just set up a concrete block on two boards. She knelt behind it and concentrated on it, centring herself and focusing her breathing. She raised her hand and brought it back down with a "KYAH!!" shattering the block. She didn't hear the click of a camera as she did so. "That was pretty good," she said, wiping the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand.

"Honestly, Akane," said the girl wielding the camera. "This is why boys don't like you in a _normal_ way."

"I don't care, Nabiki," Akane replied. "Unlike you, I _hate_ boys!"

"Well, this won't interest you at all then," Nabiki said as she walked away.

"Huh?"

"Daddy wants to meet us in the family room. He got a postcard from somebody who's brining a boy with them to visit."

A few minutes later, an indignant/curious "FIANCÉ!?!" could be heard from two sources in the family room. The sound managed to drown out a slightly upset "Oh my."

"Wait a second!" yelled Akane. "Don't we get to choose who we marry?!"

"Calm down, Akane," said Nabiki. "You never know, he might be cute." 'He also might not know about my… reputation,' she thought. She had changed into a kimono earlier to greet their guests.

"I don't care, Nabiki! He'll be a pervert just like all other boys!"

"How very pessimistic of you," Nabiki said sarcastically. 'I guess that makes him mine!' was the thought.

"Now, now," said their father, "do try not to judge him before meeting him, ne, Akane? They should be here any moment."

"So, father," said Kasumi, "what's Ranma like? Is he older than me?"

"Is he cute?" asked Nabiki.

Their father laughed nervously, then said, "I don't know."

"You don't know" asked Nabiki with a hint of steel in her voice and a dangerous look on her face.

"I've never met him. They've only recently returned from a fifteen-year-long training trip that extended into China."

"I don't believe this," said Akane. "I'm going to the dojo now. If Nabiki or Kasumi wants to be stuck with some pervert, they can marry this Ranma, but count me out." With that, she walked off.

After she left, there was a knock on the door. The father immediately ran to answer it, followed closely by his two remaining daughters.

"Ooh, it must be Ranma," said Nabiki.

"Saotome, my old friend!" cried her father. When he opened the door, instead of the bespectacled, slightly portly, balding man he remembered, he saw a spectacled, plump and homely woman standing on his doorstep with someone standing behind her.

"Long time, no see, ne, Tendo-kun?" she said.

"S-Saotome-kun?"

"Yep, it's been a while."

"I can't believe it!"

"Mind if we come in?"

"Certainly, certainly," said the Tendo patriarch as he waived Saotome and… er… her companion in. "So, Genma, when did you get the operation?"

"What operation?" asked a confused Genma.

"Why, the sex change, of course."

Genma was hard-pressed not to hit the floor in a face-fault, while her redheaded companion was practically rolling on the floor laughing. "Shut up, boy!" Genma yelled at the redhead. He then turned to the Tendo patriarch and said, "I didn't get an operation, Soun. My son and I picked up curses in China. And before you ask, he's the little redhead wetting herself laughing."

"Ya gotta admit, it was damn funny, pop," said Ranma. "Or should I call you 'mom'?" She then collapsed laughing again.

"I take it this means our solemn vow cannot be upheld," said a disappointed Soun as his friend snarled at her child.

"Not at all, Tendo," Genma replied. "The curses aren't permanent. All it takes is a little hot water and the hyena and I will be back to normal." Ranma, having recovered from her laughing fit, stuck her tongue out at her father for that 'hyena' crack.

"Well, there's no problem then. Come into the family room so that I can get you some hot water and introduce you." A few minutes, we find the Tendos, including Akane, seated around the table with the (now male) Saotomes. "Now girls," said Soun, "I'd like to introduce you to a very good friend of mine." He gestured to the Saotomes…

"Saotome Genma," said the fat man. "And this is my son," he gestured…

"Ranma," said the boy with a grin still on his face. He still found the whole situation funny. As he sat there, he paid close attention to the girls' expressions to gauge how they felt about the whole fiancée thing and the curses. One looked curious, one had no expression on her face, and one was glaring at him. 'What's with her?' he thought.

"Now then," said Soun, gesturing to his daughters. "My eldest daughter, Kasumi, is 19. My middle daughter, Nabiki, is 17. And-…"

"I told you, I want no part of this!" the glarer shouted.

"Very well. But he still needs to know your name if he's going to be staying here."

"Please, try to be polite to our guests, Akane," said Kasumi.

"There's no way I'm gonna let this pervert stay here!" yelled Akane as she stood and stomped her foot, pointing at Ranma.

"Who're you callin a pervert?" he asked. "You don't even know anything about me!"

"Not only are you a boy, but you're a boy that turns into a girl! Of course you're a pervert! You probably get off on looking at your girl form naked, you sicko!"

"Ch… no way am I stayin here with a nut-job like her," Ranma said to his father as he stood up to leave. "Thanks fer the hospitality, Tendo-san, but I think I'll just find someplace else ta stay."

"What about the joining of the schools?!" Soun asked, panicking. "I know Akane's declined, but there are still Nabiki and Kasumi. Please, choose one and she'll be your fiancée."

"I can't just choose like that, Tendo-san. Besides, I didn't say I'd never come back. I just gotta find somewhere ta stay." Then he said under his breath, "An' there's no way I'm stayin with this bitch." Unfortunately, not under enough.

Akane got mad, raised the table, and screamed, "YOU JERK!" before she _tried_ to hit him with it. Thankfully for him, he ducked. Too bad for his father though, he got flattened with it.

"AKANE!!!" shouted her sisters. And that's saying something, for Kasumi never shouts.

"WHAT THE HELL'D YA DO THAT FOR, PSYCHO!?!" yelled Ranma. If first impressions were truly everything, we know exactly what type of impression she just made, now don't we?

"AKANE, GO TO YOUR ROOM THIS INSTANT!!! YOU'RE GROUNDED!!!" said Soun, pulling off a strange demon-head attack. Ranma made a note to try and remember that one. "I'm very sorry for her behaviour," said Soun after she had stomped off. "Rest assured that won't happen again."

"Yeah," said Nabiki, "we're getting her professional help."

"Nabiki!"

"She needs it, daddy. Things like this'll just keep happening if we don't."

"Sigh Very well, Nabiki."

"I think it'd be safer if pop an' I stay somewhere else," said Ranma.

"Nonsense, Ranma," said Kasumi as she returned from the kitchen with an ice pack for Genma. "I'll just put stronger herbs in her calm-down tea."

"Ka-Kasumi? You've been drugging your sister?" asked Soun, tears flowing from his eyes.

"Of course, father. She's a sweet girl," she said to Ranma, "but a somewhat violent maniac. I have to sedate her sometimes for her own good. I'm sorry the last cup had to wear off just now."

"Uhh… s-sure," said Ranma. 'This is one weird family,' he thought.

"Please follow me and I'll show you to the guest room. You really must stay for the night at least as it's far too late to look for a hotel."

Being unable to argue with this logic and not wanting to lug his fat father around town looking for lodging, Ranma followed her, dragging his father along by the back of his gi. Little did he know that Kasumi would talk him into staying.


	3. Furinkan Fruitcake

AN: Here's the third chappie, and it's been made known that I _must_ point this out to those who can't simply read and enjoy; all characters are ooc. Also, to those who like to bug me about it; this is not, _not_, NOT a Ranma/Akane pairing and I'll never write one.

Usual disclaimers. No likey, no readey. Petty flames will be dealt with harshly, only bug me if it's worth my time and not a complaint about who Ranma's with or not with.

* * *

Furinkan Fruitcake

It was a peaceful morning at the Tendo dojo as Akane returned from her morning jog…

BAM CRASH

Scratch that… It was morning at the Tendo dojo and the Tendos were treated to the sight of the Saotome early morning sparring session. It was a thrilling sight, both Saotomes leaping and twirling through the air with speed and grace, trading punishing blows. Even Akane was impressed… but she'd never admit it.

Kasumi and Nabiki (though the latter wasn't truly awake yet) were in awe at the display. Ranma was poetry in motion and Genma only slightly less so due to bulk and age. Soun was practically weeping with joy at seeing the skills of his future son-in-law… okay, so he was _actually_ weeping with joy. This _is_ Soun Tendo after all. "Ara," said Kasumi as she laid out breakfast, "so energetic."

The fight ended with a loud SPLOOSH as Genma got in a lucky shot and knocked Ranma into the koi pond. "You're getting sloppy, Ranma!" he called… only to turn into a she as his son-turned-daughter splashed him.

"_Now_ who's sloppy, old man?" the redhead asked snidely.

"Breakfast!" Kasumi called, causing the Saotome teleportation trick. Unfortunately, this meant that the Tendos would again have to witness the Saotome Food Feud. They had discovered at dinner last night, during which time Kasumi talked them into staying, that the Saotomes ate like they hadn't seen food in years and fought over every morsel. "Ranma-kun," said Kasumi, waiting for her to look up, "it's very bad manners to eat like that." She couldn't help but correct him. After all, he and his father were insulting her cooking by just shovelling it in. Plus, he wasn't impressing his future bride by being such a slob. It had been decided the previous night that he would be engaged to Nabiki.

"Oh, uh, sorry Kasumi," Ranma replied sheepishly. "Guess since it was just me an' pop, I never thought 'bout it." While he was talking, Genma managed to steal a considerable amount. So, when he looked down, his plate was nearly empty. "Hey!" she shouted at her 'father'.

"You snooze, you lose, boy," said Genma.

"I think it would be best if you eat on this side of the table from now on, Ranma-kun," said Kasumi. The cause of Ranma's poor eating habits was now clear; Genma. So, to cure the problem, remove the cause.

Nabiki was only too happy to trade places with Ranma. After all, why pass up a golden opportunity. As soon as Genma instinctively tried to snatch a bite from her plate, she pounced. "Ten yen," she said.

"Huh?" Genma replied intelligently.

"Ten yen for every bite you take from me. You're already a guest in this house. I'm not about to let you take the food from my mouth without making you pay for it."

"Think of it as training, girl."

"I'm not a martial artist, nor do I wish to be. Ten yen."

"Saotome-kun," said Soun, "while on the road with your son you may do as you wish, but please refrain from your old habits in the presence of my daughters."

"Tendo-kun?"

"Kindly do not steal food from my daughters." Then Soun gave Genma a Look, which showed where Nabiki had gotten her signature icy glare. Needless to say, though he wished to argue, Genma subsided.

After the meal was done, Genma and Ranma went to the furo for a quick bath. They _had_ taken a dip in the koi pond after all. Ten minutes later, we hear an unusual command from a male Genma, "Turn back in to a boy this instant, Ranma!" followed by "No frickin way, pop!" from a female Ranma. Soon, we see Ranma-chan entering the family room followed closely by her irate father.

"Why the hell won't you change back?!" Genma demanded.

"You said I gotta go ta school, right?"

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"Think about it, moron. It'd be best if nobody knows about my curse, an' I'm more likely ta get hit with cold water than hot."

"Never thought about that," Genma mused in the classic 'thinker' pose.

"I'm not surprised."

"Still, think of it as training! It'll heighten your awareness!"

"Or get me raped when I turn into a girl in the BOYS' LOCKER ROOM!!!"

"O-oh… I… see."

"Look, just drop it. I'm gonna be late." With that, Ranma turned and headed out the door, dashing after Nabiki and Akane, who had both left her behind while she was arguing with her father. She caught up with them not far from the house.

"Going to school as a girl, Ranma?" asked Nabiki.

"You're going to use it to get into the girls' locker room, aren't you, you pervert!" accused Akane.

"I consider my curse a damn good reason ta stay outta the _boys'_ locker room. An' who're you callin a pervert?!" Ranma replied.

"He has a very good point, Akane," said Nabiki. "So, I take it you're going in like this so such issues never come up? How do you propose avoiding getting beaten by the girls for being in _their_ locker room?"

"I just won't use it," Ranma replied.

"Fair enough."

"Oh please!" huffed Akane. "You don't really expect me to believe that, do you?"

"Believe what ya want," said Ranma. "Somethin tells me ya will anyway,"

"Whatever. If you set so much as one foot inside the girls' locker room, I'll beat you to a pulp!"

"Honestly, Akane," said Nabiki as they neared the school. "You, of all people, should know that this plan of his is a good one. Anyway, gotta run." And then she dashed of ahead of them into the school grounds.

"What was that about?" asked Ranma, only to look over and see that Akane seemed to be getting steadily angrier as she chanted "I hate boys." Ranma found out why as Akane then charged into the schoolyard and was attacked by over twenty boys with various sports equipment shouting "I love you, Akane!" and "Go out with me!" The following brawl showed that Ranma had been enrolled in a very strange school and that Akane was tough, but slow and clumsy compared to him.

Slow as she was, Akane's fight was over in minutes… or so Ranma thought. "Such a boorish lot to think themselves worthy of thine hand," said a strange boy in a hakama as he came from behind a tree.

"You're pretty popular, ain't ya?" said Ranma as she hopped down next to Akane from her perch on the wall. Akane just groaned.

"Verily, Tendo Akane is the most prized treasure of this fair institute," the strange boy said. "But fret not. A fair beauty such as thyself may yet aspire to such honours. Pray tell, what is thy name, beauteous one?"

"Huh? Well… I'm-"

"Wait! Is it not courteous to give one's own name first? Very well, I shall. I am known as the rising star of the high school kendo world, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High," he struck a pose with his bokken and lightening struck out of nowhere, "Kuno Tatewaki, aged seventeen."

"Uh… yeah…" said Ranma. "I'm Saotome Ranma of the Saotome School of Anything Goes."

"Such an odd name for such a lovely maiden. No matter, I, Kuno Tatewaki, shall yet allow you the honour to date with me."

"Umm… no thanks," Ranma said nervously. 'What's with this weirdo?' she thought. "Oh, look at the time!" she said in a rush. "We're gonna be late! C'mon, Akane, let's get the hell outta here." She then grabbed Akane's hand and dashed past the strange boy into the school building. They made it to class right on time.

After being introduced by the teacher, Ranma sat next to Akane and passed her a note when Sakamoto-sensei (said teacher) wasn't looking. "Who was that guy outside?" it read.

Akane spent a few moments writing so that there was as little communication between them as possible, then handed the long note back while the teacher was still distracted. "That was Kuno," it began. "He's the most perverted idiot in school. At the beginning of the year, he made a stupid speech in the student debate contest and said that anybody who wants to date me has to beat me in combat first. So now, I have to fight a bunch of perverted boys every day to get into school. Now leave me alone!"

'Well,' thought Ranma, 'that explains a lot.' The rest of the morning went by somewhat peacefully… right up until lunch.

* * *

Ranma had just sat down to eat under a tree in the school yard when who should approach but Kuno. "Saotome Ranma, I would date with thee," he proclaimed.

"No thanks," Ranma cheerfully said as she began to dig into her bento. Believe it or not, now that she was neither starving nor fighting her father for food, she was eating almost daintily, savouring the ambrosia known as Kasumi's cooking.

"I understand that thou art but a shy maiden," Kuno said as he sat next to Ranma, "yet let that not hinder thee from expressing thy love for my worthy self." Earlier, he had paid a small fee to Nabiki for information on his new love interest. All he had learned was that she had been raised by her father and that she was a martial artist of greater skill than his beloved Akane. That fact alone was enough for him. He loved a woman with spirit.

"It ain't hinderin me at all," Ranma said between bites. "Thanks fer the offer, but no thanks."

"It appears one must prove worthy of thy hand. Very well…"

"Don't go makin stupid speeches. It won't do ya any good," Ranma interrupted. Then, to attempt to end her developing boy trouble, "I like girls."

This last statement brought about the saucer-eyed drop-jawed look on Kuno, then, "Say it is not so, my fair beauty!" Kuno yelled. "To think, such an unnatural affliction could befall one such as thyself! I, Kuno Tatewaki, shall do all in my power to rid thee of this foul curse!" With that, he grabbed Ranma and kissed her. Naturally, she was not pleased. (Content censored for extreme, gratuitous violence) Ten minutes later, Ranma returned to class in a foul mood. Nabiki eventually came along and dragged Kuno to the nurse's office. Not the best mode of travel, but he was too heavy to carry.

* * *

Considering Kuno's appreciation for strong, skilled women, what happened the next day was no surprise. Ranma had had nightmares of the lunch incident and was really not looking forward to going to school that day. Being kissed by Kuno would traumatise _any_one. The fact that Ranma was literally a _boy _in a girl's body only made it worse. Yet he went back anyway. So, after Akane's fight, along comes Kuno. Akane prepares to take him on as she usually does and… Kuno runs right past her. "Ranma Saotome! I love you!" he yells with his arms out-stretched. His face meets shoe leather as he's punted across the yard.

He's punted yet again at lunch when he treats Ranma to his 'manly embrace' (also known as Pervert-Style Grope-Glomp™)… and again after school. As for public opinion, the boys are wondering whether Kuno will make another 'beat-her-to-date-her' speech while the girls tend to hold up score cards every time she kicks Kuno. No one besides Kuno knows that the pretty girl beating him up likes girls.

The next day, Kuno's attempt to give her a doll (followed by an intimate hug and kiss) ends very painfully. This insanity continues for several days. And with each incident, Ranma's opinion of Kuno sinks lower and lower. She stalked home in a foul mood one day after beating Kuno unconscious. "Tadai ma!" she called as she entered the Tendo home.

"Welcome home, Ranma-chan!" Kasumi replies from the kitchen. "How was school?" she asked as Ranma came seeking comfort food.

"Classes were boring and that stupid pervert bugged me again," Ranma replied, rooting through the fridge.

"Oh my. We have Chocolate Sin ice cream if you need it, Ranma-chan." Almost as soon as the incidents started, Ranma had told Kasumi what Akane was too proud to; that she was being harassed by Tatewaki Kuno. Kasumi's solution had been to file a complaint with the school and provide an ultra-fattening cure-all whenever necessary. Hey, food heals all wounds, and it's not like Ranma would ever get fat. "I found out that Akane also has problems with this boy," Kasumi continued as Ranma made her way through her (rather large) bowl. "The vice principal says that, because the teachers fear losing their jobs due to the fact that his father's the principal, there's little they can do about him."

"Well, that sucks. So it's either deal with it, transfer or quit school." Not that she minded quitting, but Kasumi was quick to point out why that was a bad idea.

"You wouldn't want to have to deal with truant officers, Ranma. So you'll have to stay in school." Needless to say, Ranma was unaware that he could legally quit at 16 and Kasumi knew it. She also knew his education was sorely lacking. "And I'm afraid you'll have to go to Furinkan as all other schools are too far away to commute."

"Crap! Guess I'll have ta just bear with it."

"From what you've told me, Ranma-kun (he'd changed back while they were talking), he likes girls that fight him. Maybe if you ignore him he'll go away."

"I'll try, but I don't think it'll work."

* * *

AN: I know you're all probably thinking that Ranma would never complain about such a minor problem as Kuno to anyone and would handle it himself, but then why borrow trouble. 


	4. Lost Boys and Family Reunions

AN: I've had a few (dozen) complaints about the how certain characters wouldn't act certain ways and how they would never do certain things. Newsflash, this is a fan_fiction._ It is not meant to be an exact replica of canon. I think that many people forget that when they read things on this forum. A certain amount of artistic license is allowed here. If you don't like that, stop reading fanfiction. And considering most of the whiners haven't written anything themselves (yes, I checked), shaaaaddap!

Now that that's over, on with the show.

PS: Ryoga _listens_ in my fic.

0.0

Lost Boys and Family Reunions

Somewhere in Japan, a boy was asking people for directions to Furinkan High School. After much dithering (mostly about why he was looking for that school in the town he was in), he was given directions, thanked the giver, and promptly went the wrong way anyway. It kinda makes you wonder why he bothered asking.

Meanwhile, in the school the boy was searching for, "Saotome Ranma, suki da!" Normally, Ranma would kick Kuno out of her way to get to class. This time, however, she dodged… and dodged… and dodged all the way to class and relative peace. At lunch, she ate in the classroom and the peace continued. Finally, the last bell rang and Ranma headed home with the Tendo sisters.

The day had been so peaceful without Kuno bothering her. Unfortunately, the peace wasn't meant to last. As they were leaving, they noticed a commotion at the front gate. 'Why do I get thy feeling this has something to do with me?' thought Ranma. It turned out that she was right as she had to grab the Tendo sisters and jump backwards to avoid a blow from a deadly… umbrella? Strange though the weapon seemed, it quite effectively left a crater.

"Still good at running away, eh, Saotome?" said the boy wielding it.

"Do you know him?" asked Akane.

"Friend of yours, Ranma?" asked Nabiki.

Ranma looked carefully at the boy for any clues. He _did_ look familiar… tall, muscular, about 16 with a yellow bandana… of course, the pointy ears and tail were a little odd. "Nope, not a clue!" she said cheerfully, causing sweatdrops and facefaults after all that intense scrutiny.

The boy was eyeing Ranma just as carefully and noticed something that was a bit off. "Sorry," he said. "I have the wrong person."

This, understandably, irritated the three girls who were his previous targets. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN '_SORRY'_!?!" they yelled in unison.

"Do ya just go around attackin people fer no reason?!" Ranma.

"How could you be so careless?!" Akane.

"Just so you know, your stupidity will cost you," Nabiki.

"Who the hell are you, anyway?" asked Ranma.

"I-I'm… uh… Ryoga Hibiki," the boy stammered. "I'm really sorry. I heard a guy named Ranma Saotome went to this school and I've got a score to settle with him. One of the students said Ranma was over here."

"_I'm_ Ranma Saotome."

"Huh? But… you're a girl." Then he thought for a moment as Ranma sweatdropped. "Wait a sec." He then reached behind him into his overly large pack and pulled out a thermos, opening it and pouring its contents over Ranma-chan and turning her into Ranma-kun, to the shock of all but the Tendo sisters. "Aha!" he exclaimed. "Found you, Ranma!"

"I take it you've heard of Jusenkyo?" the irritated Saotome asked.

"Heard of it? I went there looking for you, jerk! Now, let's finish off that duel you ran out on!"

"_Now_ I remember you!" said Ranma. "The Bread Feud guy."

"Bread Feud…?" asked Akane.

"We went to an all boy school in junior high. Every day, they'd throw the last bread into the air and we'd have to catch it to eat."

"And every day, you'd use my head as a springboard to get it," said Ryoga in annoyance. "That was _my_ bread, Ranma!"

"I wanted it more. And since pop wasn't around much and never had cash for food, I _needed_ it more. Besides, I walked ya to and from school ta make up for it."

"It's the principle. And… hang on… are you trying to say that was your only meal?"

"Duh. Why else would I bother tryin so hard ta get it? It's the only reason I put up with goin ta school."

"I take it learning wasn't that important?" Ryoga deadpanned.

"Nah. I learned all that junk they were preachin from the monks whenever pop took me to a shrine fer trainin."

"…"

0.0

Ranma's statement about his supposed education was met with disbelief by Ryoga, who had gone to school with him before, and Akane, who had seen him fall asleep in class. Nabiki just pegged him as a dumb jock. Naturally, an explanation was in order. Said explanation was given on the way home… after explaining to the other students why she had turned into a boy.

Back to his education, Ranma's father had dropped him off at several shrines during the course of his training, leaving Ranma with the monks so that he himself could go and do whatever it was that he did when his son wasn't around. The monks insisted on training him scholastically as well as physically. He only pretended to be stupid so that his father would keep taking him to shrines. After all, Genma considered school and all its trappings a waste of time.

Soon, they arrived at the Tendo compound and went their separate ways; Ranma and Ryoga to the dojo to spar, and Akane and Nabiki to their rooms for homework. The two boys entered the dojo, bowed to the shrine, and began a light spar (much like the ones between Ranma and his father). It probably would have been a harsher battle, but finding out that his supposed enemy was just a starving kid sort of took the steam out of Ryoga's anger.

"So, Ryoga," said Ranma while they were cooling down, "since ya followed me all the way ta Jusenkyo, did ya pick up any curses?"

"Yeah," said Ryoga, rolling his eyes. "Didn't you notice how I look? I tripped and fell into the Spring of Wolf Demon."

"Hey, yeah! Now that ya mention it, the pointy ears _do_ kinda stand out! That's a helluva lot cooler than the one I fell inta!"

"Haha! I still can't believe it!" laughed Ryoga. "The great Ranma Saotome turns into a chick. I don't really mind the curse, to tell the truth. It's actually helped me a bit."

"Oh yeah? How?"

"I'm stronger, faster and I heal a lot quicker. Turns out, it was in my blood anyway. That's why I can't change back."

"What do ya mean?"

"Some ancestress of mine did it with a wolf demon named Koga. Since then, all Hibikis have fangs. "

"Cool. All I got is pop, an I doubt he's got anybody great in his family tree. Speakin of pop, he got cursed too." Ranma said, smirking.

"What's he turn into?"

"He fell inta the Spring of drowned woman. I gotta tell ya, he makes one ugly chick."

"How'd he take it?"

"Passed out and wouldn't believe the guide when he said there weren't no cure."

"There isn't?"

"Nope. The curses just mix. Didn't the guide tell ya?"

"Never met him. I was just walking through the area, tripped and fell in. There was a little girl there who told me what happened, but no one else."

"Musta been when he was takin us ta Nyuchiehzu."

"Nu-what?"

"It's an Amazon village near the springs. Pop got himself in trouble there, too. Now I got a step-mom who's our age. Which reminds me. I gotta go ask Nabiki somethin."

"Could you show me the way to the furo first so I can clean up?"

"Sure."

0.0

Nabiki Tendo (a.k.a. the Ice Queen of Furinkan High) was in her room, working on the family budget, when she heard a knock on the door. "Come in," she called as she turned away from her desk, curious why anyone would enter her domain. She hid her surprise behind her usual calm expression when Ranma walked in the room. "Hello, Ranma. What's up?"

"Hey, Nabiki," he replied. "I heard from some of the kids at school you're good at finding out stuff." 'More like she's a spy, mercenary and blackmailer,' he thought, 'but telling her that would just be mean.'

Nabiki, well aware of what people really thought of her, merely raised a brow at Ranma's thoughtfulness in trying to spare her feelings. "Bearing in mind my services have a price, what do you need to know?" she asked calmly.

"I was wonderin if you could help me find somebody. Ya see, ever since I was a kid, my pop told me my mom was dead. Back in China, though, he told this group o people that she was alive just so he wouldn't hafta get married… long story there. Anyway, I need ya ta find out if my ma is alive or not and who she is."

"Hmm…" Nabiki murmured as she considered his request, hands steepled in thought. Though her first instinct was to charge her normal rates, the fact that he was seeking family did effect her judgement. After all, much of what she did was for family, and it _was_ the most important factor in her dealings. "I think, for something like this, I'll only charge you for any expenses I may acquire," she said. "Do you know your mother's name?"

"Nope. Pop never told me."

"Guess I'll just have to search for all Saotomes then."

"Thanks, Nabs," he said as he turned to leave. "This really means a lot ta me."

After he was gone, she sat there thoughtfully for a few moments, then turned and got to work. "Nabs, huh?" she murmured as she turned on her laptop, a small smile on her face. "Kinda cute." She then got down to the serious business of surfing the net for answers. Surprisingly (or not, depending on one's own opinion), it didn't take very long.

0.0

Ranma was skipping school today. Not a very nice thing to do, I know, but he had a good reason. He was about to meet his mother for the first time in fifteen years. A wave of nervousness hit him as he stood outside the address Nabiki had given him and he took a few moments to calm down and get a good look at the place. It was small and a bit shabby, not surprising considering how much of a cheapskate his father was. The place wasn't much to look at, so Ranma gathered up his courage and walked up the short path to knock on the door. A vaguely familiar female voice said, "One minute please."

Shortly, a woman in her mid to late thirties opened the door. "Hello, how may I help you?" she said.

Ranma stared at the woman for several seconds before catching himself. He was quite shocked to note that she was beautiful, what his girl half might look like in twenty years. 'How the hell she end up with pop?' he thought. "Are you Nodoka Saotome?" he asked. "Wife of Genma Saotome and mother to a boy named Ranma?" Might as well get all the important questions out at once, no?

"Yes I am." She blink-blinked, "Do you know them? Are they well?"

Ranma took a second to absorb her affirmative answer and thank the kami that Nabiki came through for him, then he reached forward and hugged the startled woman. "Mom," he murmured, almost afraid to speak and ruin the moment.

Said woman got over her shock very quickly and returned the hug with much more strength than it was given, cracking a few of the boy's ribs. "WAHH!! My baby's home!"

Beware the MDGG (Mother's Death Grip Glomp) ™. Poor Ranma was starting to turn blue. 'Guess she missed me,' he thought as the world turned hazy.

0.0

AN: End of chapter 4. I have more written but, as they say here in sunny Scotland, I can't be arsed to type it. In the next chapter, a shopping spree and more reunions.


	5. It's All About the Grandbabies

AN: Well, you asked for it. Here it is; chapter five. The spin I put on the seppuku pledge is in the title of the chapter. Standard disclaimers; I don't own anything. Enjoy. Runs and hides from the flames sure to come.

* * *

Ranma and Nodoka were sitting down to a nice cup of tea… after he'd managed to extract himself from her grip. It was a good thing she had already made some before he came else she wouldn't have been able to take her eyes off him long enough to prepare it. She'd waited so long to see him again, she was almost afraid he'd disappear. "So, tell me about yourself, Ranma-kun," she said. "Your father sent many letters about your training, but they didn't say much about how you were growing up. In fact, I haven't had a letter since you went to China."

"Ah, pop was probably embarrassed cause of what happened," Ranma replied nonchalantly. "See, we were going to this training ground in the mountains that was on a brochure he found. Unfortunately, pop can't read Chinese and the thing said the place was cursed."

"Cursed?" Nodoka asked with a puzzled look on her face. "Now, Ranma, don't tell me you believe in such things."

"I didn't before that. Now though, it's hard not to. It's one of those things you gotta see to believe."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, just a sec." he got up from the table and went to retrieve the canteen from his pack, then turned to face his mother. "Now, don't freak out or nothin'. And remember, it's _not_ permanent." He then splashed himself with the water in the canteen. While Nodoka sat there, bug-eyed in shock, she gave a quick and simple explanation. "Cold water, girl. Hot water, boy."

Nodoka's jaw dropped. Then her eye twitched. Then she closed both as a vein popped out on her forehead. Then… "SAOTOME GENMA, PREPARE TO DIE!!" (What? Ryoga's not the only one who can use it.)

0.0

After Nodoka's outburst, Ranma gave the full explanation of the how's, when's, and what's of the curse. As for the why's? Genma's an idiot. Nodoka was disappointed that her son had such an unmanly curse, but pleased that he was manly enough to tell her and hopeful that she could still get grandbabies. After all, her new daughter was pretty enough… and Genma never mentioned anything about preferences… either way, he'd make someone a handsome husband or a beautiful wife. YAY!! GRANDBABIES!!

Nodoka collected herself after her internal 'perspective reboot' and asked about the curse. "So, how much time do you spend as a girl?" she asked, inwardly measuring her daughter's ample assets for wedding gowns.

"Well, I go to school like this, just to be safe, then I change back afterwards," Ranma replied, "unless I'm hungry. Then I stay like this till I get home."

Blink, blink "I beg your pardon? What does being hungry have to do with changing forms?" Nodoka asked.

"People are a lot nicer to you when you're broke if you're a girl," Ranma replied cheerfully. "You wouldn't believe how much free food I get in this form!"

Nodoka sweat-dropped. 'Using a curse to scam for food,' she thought. 'How unmanly. But at least I won't have to teach her how to flirt. It sounds like she's got that covered.' She kept a smile pasted on while she thought that. It almost hurt to do so. Oh well, on to the next question. "Your father never mentioned it, but a mother likes to know, is there anyone your interested in?"

"Nah," said Ranma, leaning back on one hand and flapping the other blithely. "What with the training, I ain't got time for girls."

'Strike one,' thought Nodoka, her smile slipping a bit.

"Pop tried setting up an arranged marriage," Nodoka perked up, "but the family I'd be marrying into is totally weird and one the girls I was supposed to pick from flattened pop with a table the day we met, one's been drugging her to try to keep her calm, and the other's a spy and extortionist."

Nodoka deflated again. 'Strike two,' she thought. "What about boys?" she chirped, holding out a minor hope for grandchildren in the near future.

"Huh?" Ranma said dumbly. "But… isn't it wrong to feel that way about another boy?"

"Not when you're a girl, no."

"But pop always said that it was wrong, no matter what… even after I got the curse. He said I gotta get married to carry on the school. I can't marry a guy."

Nodoka looked puzzled for a moment. "Ranma… your father seems to have spoken of that often with you. Have you had those feelings before?" 'If you did then the curse is more of a blessing than you know,' she thought.

"Well, yeah. There was this guy in school when I was fifteen. But pop told me I was supposed to like girls and then he dragged me off to China."

'Hmm… how do I swing this?' Nodoka pondered. 'He seems to just go with whatever Genma tells him, so let's see if that'll work.' "Ranma," she said, "boys _are_ supposed to like girls, but girls are supposed to like boys. And you're a girl now." Hook. "Do you want people to think you're a lesbian?" Line. "It'll only make people like you less." And sinker. Now to see if he took the bait.

"Huh? But… Pop said…" intelligent though she had proven to be in the past, Ranma was woefully lacking in social skills and any issues dealing with relationships. So, she floundered.

"Dear, your father may be wise in many things, but trust me to know what's best when it comes to this," Nodoka said in her most motherly tone, patting her daughter's hand while poor Ranma's brain short-circuited. 'I can't believe she bought that,' she thought. 'I just hope I didn't break her. I want grandbabies.'

* * *

AN: Peeks out of hiding. Idid a vewy bad thing...

I'D DO IT AGAIN TOO!! BWAHAHAHA!! Runs from the angry, pitchfork-wielding villagers


	6. Fear of the Panda

After that traumatising chat with 'mummy', Nodoka decided to take her dear _daughter _shopping… It was hell. He never knew clothes shopping could be such an exhausting, or humiliating, experience. That gleam in Nodoka's eye when she'd mentioned taking Ranma shopping had sent a cold chill down her spine and should have warned her. Ranma made her way home after that lost in thought. She was so dazed from the day's shocks that she didn't change back before leaving. She was only now starting to think clearly after the 'but Pop said' loop that she'd been stuck in at her mother's house. 'So,' she thought, 'since mom said I've gotta like boys as a girl and girls as a boy, doesn't that still make me bisexual? And if so, isn't that still wrong? But the way she said it was that it was only wrong for two boys or two girls. But I'm not really a girl, right?' She paused in front of the Tendo gates. "My head hurts!" she whined. The visit had been both odd and confusing, to say the least.

She made her way into the house wondering why her father was so intent on not seeing his wife after ten years. It made absolutely no sense. Nodoka was a beautiful woman and Genma wasn't exactly what anyone would call a prize. Then again, it _would _explain why his mother hardly mentioned her husband at all. Although their conversation revolved mostly around Ranma and his/her love life, she didn't even ask how her 'beloved' husband was after all these years. And since Ranma had a curse, it was highly likely Genma did too, yet she didn't ask.

In fact, she barely mentioned her husband the whole time Ranma was there. Of course, it might have been due to that weird conversation. With a shrug, she entered the house. "Tadai ma!" she called. There was no response. In fact, the house was awfully quiet, even though there were three people still home. When she entered the family room, she could see why. There her father was, huddled in the corner with a look of fear on his face and cold sweat dripping down his skin, as if he'd seen a ghost. Soun was trying to snap him out of it while Kasumi was wrapping a blanket around his shoulders.

"Hey, Kasumi-san," she said, "what's wrong with pop?"

"We don't know, Ranma," Kasumi replied. "He's just been like this for most of the day."

Neither noticed that Genma had looked up at the sound of Ranma's voice, or the panicked and slightly insane look in his eyes. Ranma suddenly found herself flying through the house in her father's grip, hanging from her waist like a sack of potatoes tucked under his arm. "Boy! We're going on a training trip!" Genma shouted as he ran to the guest room with her. He dumped her next to her pack as he ran around the room, frantically gathering up all his possessions. "I've seen baaaad omens, boy!" he said. "That woman knows where we are! I just know it!"

"What're you talkin about, Pop?" Ranma was a little unnerved by her father's behaviour. The only times she'd ever seen him this panicked was when he was confronted by the occasional debt collector, cop or pissed off locals.

"Your mother, boy! She knows! Somehow, she knows where we are! We have to leave if we want to live!" He had finished packing his own bag and was now frantically packing Ranma's since she wasn't moving to do so.

"Why're you so scared o' Mom?" she asked. "Sure, she's a little weird… but…"

Genma's head whipped around so fast it's a wonder it didn't break. "HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT!?!"

"Oh yeah! I forgot ta tell ya. I went ta see her today. You know just ta be sure you weren't lyin ta me about you bein married and all," Ranma said cheerfully. "She didn't talk about you much though…" she mused.

Genma sweated heavily. "Please tell me she doesn't know about the curse," he said, trembling in fear.

"I'm a girl right now, baka," Ranma deadpanned. "Of course she knows. Don't know what you're so afraid of though. She took it kinda well. She was a little shocked at first , but who wouldn't be? After that, she took me (shudder) shoppin."

Genma now had a blank look on his face. He blinked at Ranma a couple of times in disbelief at what he was hearing. "Y-you mean… she didn't bring out the family honour blade?"

"Huh? Why would she do that?" Ranma asked, confusion plain on her face.

"Ahahaha! N-no reason! No reason!" Genma said nervously. 'It seems we don't have to fulfil that pledge after all,' he thought. 'Good thing the boy doesn't know. I can't believe I actually did something like that! The boy's life is one thing… Mine is another matter entirely.' Little did he know it, but the only reason why he was safe from his wife's wrath was because she didn't care enough about him to be bothered with tracking him down to kill him. As long as she had her child (and future grandchildren) she couldn't care less about her spouse.

* * *

AN: I'm really sorry at how incredibly short this is. Look on the bright side though, it's my first update on anything in nearly a year. Plus, my muse seems to be dead, burried and decomposed.


End file.
